It took me ten years — almost to the day — to figure out why I spent the first month of my eldest’s life fantasizing about being back in the hospital.
I wished, fervently, that I was back in the hospital.
I would look at pictures when Caroline was just born and imagine how great things were … when I was in the hospital.
I’d finger the stretchy little white knit hat with tiny pink stripes they put on her minutes after she came out, and miss how perfect things were … when I was in the hospital..
I’d think about the way the nurses were kind and helpful and picture how much better things were … when I was in the hospital..
I knew it made no sense. People would always be saying things like, “Well, at least they don’t keep you in the hospital very long any more. That’s good! So nice to have the comforts of home!”