How Fear Becomes Beauty

How Fear Becomes Beauty

One week before I launched this blog, I scribbled down a laundry list of fears. They clutched at my heart, clawed at my spirit, and shot ice through my veins.

I spent my days in a heady mix of emotions that could tumble from exhilaration down to panic in about 2 seconds flat.

It was as if, after living so much of my adult life numb to possibility that, now, once I’d opened the floodgates and decided to pursue my dreams, I was drenched in emotion. And, not just emotion related to my mewling, tender new blog and writing ambitions –no, not just that. But everything.

I welled up at the drop of a hat:

I cried at the beauty of swelling hymns in church.
I cried at news of a tragic accident at our zoo.
I cried for joy at the way God was working in my life.
I cried in frustration at blog launching details.
And, sometimes, I wept out of fear.

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Feeling emotions keenly was one thing, and I was getting used to it. But, fear was paralyzing. And, I wanted no parts of it. So I wrote the list. Quickly. Messily.

I fear I’m not good enough.
I fear no-one will like me.
I fear I’m not doing it right.
I fear I should be doing it differently.
I fear I’m going to miss something.
I fear I’m working too hard.
I fear I’m not working hard enough.
I fear being judged by strangers and would rather stick with those who already know and value me.
I fear I’m wasting my time.
I fear I’m wasting my money.
I fear I’ll look stupid.

I’d like to say my fears vanished after I gave them over to God in my journal. Yet, in a way, something far better happened.

Those particular fears, at that time, were taken and transformed.

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And, I wear them still. But, instead of dark stinging nettles round my neck, they drape me softly, now, those fears, their delicate links, soft shining.

I wear them, most precious. They’re part of who I am, and they’ve become beautiful.

This third I will put into the fire;
I will refine them like silver
and test them like gold.
They will call on my name
and I will answer them;
I will say, ‘They are my people,’
and they will say, ‘The Lord is our God.’”

 Zechariah 13:9

This post was shared gladly with Lauren’s Heart + Home Linkup, Jenni’s Thrive at Home Thursdays and Holley Gerth’s God-sized Dream Team and Jennifer Dukes Lee’s Tell His Story:


 



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Comments

  1. wow.. i especially loved how you wrote about how your fears are not beautifually draped around your neck. You truly are a writer girl! i loved this (and are those necklaces really yours because they are awesome! 🙂
    Thank you for stepping out of your fears and doing it anyway.. because it is a refreshing blessing to me!
    Jenn Hand recently posted..Rotten tomatoes, hand puppets, Fear and DreamsMy Profile

  2. So beautiful, Elizabeth! Thank for the reminder that God makes all things beautiful in His time, even our deepest fears.
    Amy Corley recently posted..facing my fearsMy Profile

    • It was a struggle for me, but viewing my fears as part of the process and something to be honored (in that I worked through them and didn’t let them consume me)–well, that’s the beauty for me! Blessings to you today, fellow Dreamer and fear-fighter.

  3. You know I’m going to say how much I loved it, but it’s even sweeter, given my list of prayers and the help I need:) So glad to be on this journey with someone like you, truly. “refreshing blessing” is absolutely a perfect way to describe your blog. You are so on your way!!!!
    Beth recently posted..Lil Bro Applique Onesie or Applique Shirt by GraceInAbundanceMy Profile

  4. Your writing is just too beautiful to ever have hidden…I’m so glad you didn’t let those fears hold you back! God took what the enemy meant for harm and used it for good! : )
    Christine Wright recently posted..On the Other Side of an Unanswered PrayerMy Profile

  5. Elizabeth- So wonderful to hear a little about the process you went through to take this step of faith…thanks for the truth that the fears are a part of who we are and they make us beautiful as we surrender them to God and he uses them in ways we’d never expect!
    Kel Rohlf recently posted..One Little WordMy Profile

  6. How beautiful! What an encouragement to see that fear can be transformed. I was encouraged. Thank you.
    Michelle
    Michelle Eichner recently posted..Free to Run, Run to Free!My Profile

  7. Oh girl … I know this story. I know this one deep. Nodding and understanding and feeling every one of those bullet points. Yep. I raise my hand. Been there… (Still there, more often than I would like to admit.) Thank you for sharing your heart, making me feel like I’m at home, like I’ve found a real friend here.
    And I believe that I have.

    ~ Jennifer Dukes Lee
    dukeslee recently posted..#TellHisStory: Letting GoMy Profile

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